Alone?

I've been feeling down.

It's been a weekend full of emotions. I miss my niece, horribly. I think missing her has escalated other emotions. And with that, the feeling of being alone and lonely.

I was supposed to go on a blind date last night. I haven't dated in years, and the reason for that is a whole other post. The point is, it was going to be the first in quite some time. And that's just sad. I'm 21 years old and I'm already feeling resigned to being alone for the duration of my life. I have my family, and I have good friends. But love? I don't exactly have that. Not romantic love, that is.

As it is, I didn't go on my date. I chalked it up to being exhausted- I worked 1-10 and my mind and heart were heavy because of the anniversary of my niece's death. Sadly, I didn't think too hard on that. I think she knows I love and miss her... in fact, I HAVE to believe she knows. I didn't even cry. Does that make me a terrible person? I feel bad about it. I started to on my drive home last night, but the tears didn't make it out of my eyes. Is it okay that I didn't cry? I feel like I've cried over her so many times that... well, I didn't yesterday. I do need to spend some time being with her. I may do that tonight. It's just, when I do spend my time with her, it often effects me for days, more so than normal. It takes me to a pretty dark place. I'm not sure I'm ready to go there quite yet. And I think she understands that.

Loneliness.

For several reasons, I won't be going out with this particular person in the future, either. I'm sure he's a perfectly decent guy, but his reaction to our broken date, when we haven't even met yet- I'm not prepared to deal with someone like that.

And frankly, I'm afraid of what another person might do to me. I have a lot of things in my life, a lot to be thankful for. And I am thankful. And I'm worried about the pitfalls of relationships- the jealousy it can bring, and the worry, and the doubt. And I am worried that it might change me. I've been closer to God this year than ever before in my life. I was thinking about all this when something came to me:

God will never leave me.

And just that fact in and of itself, that should be enough. Why am I so worried about finding someone? And not even finding someone... someone who isn't going to change who I am. Someone who shares my love of Jesus, someone who will love me, completely and deeply, for the person that I am. Does this man even exist? It seems that God is the one, the only one, who can give that to me.

And that's really enough.

It has to be. Who else knows me more than I know myself? Who will look at me, accept me completely?

Does that mean I'm going to stop looking for that kind, generous, loving Christian man that seems to exist only in my head? No, probably not. Maybe he's out there somewhere. Maybe not.

This post has taken all kinds of turns in directions I'm not sure I meant for it to take. I appreciate you (all of you!) for taking the time to read a little, or some, or all of it.

Have a nice week, everyone.

Missing you terribly.

Olivia Grace
11-29-07 - 11-29-07

No clever title.

I hope everyone had a blessed Thanksgiving and enjoyed the day with their loved ones! Mine was nice, even if I did spend it alone. I read Harry Potter all day with movies playing in the background. I also went to the grocery and made myself a nice Thanksgiving dinner- pork chops, green bean casserole, mashed potatoes, stuffing, cranberry sauce, rolls, and pumpkin pie. I'm going to have leftovers for a week!

I also talked with my sister-in-law a lot (texting) about my new niece who is due in April. Bill doesn't care about the name this time around, so Melissa said she and I will decide. YES! Those of you who know me, know I love baby names! :P We settled on maybe using Hailey last night. Her style is a little different than mine, and of course the final decision is up to her, but it's still fun! I love being a part of her life like this, even before she is officially "here".

Speaking of nieces, tomorrow will be one year since we lost Olivia. I'm not going to write a lot about it now, and I might not write much about it tomorrow, either. I just want to try to be with myself and with her as I deal with whatever comes. It's very confusing to have my nephew's first birthday on the same anniversary of the day I said goodbye to Liv. I'm sure I'll be dealing with a whole load of emotions. If you wish, please keep Bill and Melissa, and Ben too, in your prayers tomorrow.

Until next time...

601.

That's right, I have had 601 views to my blog in the last month! How awesome is that? Thanks to all who stop by.

Okay, about Twilight. Don't take my word for the movie and book being good. (Even though I was up for a full 24 hours yesterday because of it... after teaching and working at my part-time job until 1 AM, I had to finish the book!) I'm not incredibly picky. And keep in mind that I saw the movie before I read the book, so I didn't have expectations for it. I love a good love story, and I thought this one was unique. In the movie, some of the acting is bad. And there isn't a whole lot of action. And some things are moved around and some things are missing. They've added characters and changed others. This is just how the movie business goes. But the actors playing Bella and Edward had great chemistry, and I believed they loved each other. And like I said... I'm all for a good love story. Being in love is something sorely lacking in my life at the moment, so I like to let myself get immersed in their (fake) love affair.

And I would feel awful if you went out and spent $10 to see it because I gushed about how great it was, and then hate it. Like I said, I'm not picky. Some of my favorite movies are those that others hated. So take what I've said with a grain of salt.

So, yes. It is 1:17 in the afternoon and I just awoke fifteen minutes ago, thanks to Edward and Bella. And now I need the second book! I'm not getting it until Friday, so I am reading the 7th Harry Potter in the meantime. (I know, I know. I really meant to read it when it first came out, but I had so much trouble getting through the 6th one. It was just so boring!) I've heard lots of good things about the 7th one, so I plan on spending today cleaning my apartment, doing laundry, and reading it. I'll probably be done by tomorrow evening, since I have tomorrow completely free, too.

So, those are my Thanksgiving day plans. How about you? (:

Not Me! Monday

With my schedule, I have reserved myself to the fact that I will never be one of the first 100 Not Me posters. Ah, oh well.

If you want to join in the circus and see what all the commotion is about, head on over to MckMama's blog!

This week...

I did not go see Twilight and become instantly obsessed. I have not had the book for less than 19 hours and am not already on page 200.

I did not think Jacob (in the movie) was sexy, and then realize he was 16. It did not make me feel dirty!

I am not unbelievably excited about Thanksgiving break!

I did not turn down invitations to attend other family's Thanksgiving dinners because I want to lounge around and be lazy and relax all day!

I am not rushing through this post so that I can go read more Twilight!

I did not spend half of my paycheck on Christmas presents. I will not regret it when it comes time to pay my bills.

I do not hope lots of people comment me today, and this week! (:

Have a glorious week, all.

Favorite Post Secret.

Check out all the secrets from this week here.

A different virus.

I hope everyone had a great weekend. Sunday already?! Where does the time fly off to?

I've been trying to get video ready for my video blog answering your questions. Hopefully I can have it up sometime before Christmas! :P (And ask more questions if you feel so inclined!)

Has anyone seen Twilight yet? I'm going to see it tonight. I have not read the books (I'm starting the first one tonight, after the movie), but a lot of my students will have seen the movie this weekend and I like to be in the loop. (: Also, people at work told me that I remind them of Jessica in the movie, so of course I have to go and check THAT out.

My computer and internet are both being loopy, and it wouldn't surprise me if one or both decide to conk out permanently on me. My computer is FULL of viruses, and try as I might, I can't seem to get rid of them. And I don't have the money at all to take it somewhere and have it cleaned out. So, I might be computer-less any day now. ):

Have a fantastic Sunday, all.

It's no longer "Fryday", BUT...

Head over to MckMama's blog and check out this post. You just might end up winning a custom header for your blog, plus some cool camera stuff. (: And if you don't? Well, you'll still get to gaze upon beautiful Miss Small Fry herself, in all her adorable glory.

So what are you waiting for? Get over there!

What's in a name?

I don't know that I've mentioned it on my blog before, but I constantly have baby fever. Or rather, I have Mama-wannabe fever. I just can't wait to have kids. I can't wait to splash the walls with bright colors and buy cribs and big kid beds, and pick out the world's cutest clothes, and wake up 16 times a night to make sure they aren't cold or to feed them or snuggle them, and... well, I just can't wait! I watch my nephew (who will be one next week-crazy!) for weekends at a time sometimes, and I treasure getting up with him in the middle of the night, when it's just the two of us, and he's depending on me to get him his bottle or comfort him. Now, I don't think I will be quite as happy when I myself have to get up at 5 AM to head off to work on top of it. The truth is, I do want to be able to stay at home with my kids for the first few years. I love teaching and don't think I would want to leave it forever, but I love the thought of being my child's primary caregiver for the first few years.

Wow, this post went a completely different direction than I was intending it to!

What I came to say is, I have baby fever. And with that comes baby name fever. And I am totally stuck! I love names, so I like to have a short list at all times. Will I be able to actually use these on my kids someday? Who knows. Will I even still like them when I become a Mama? We'll see. But it's fun to have one anyway.

So, I need your help!

For the longest time, my boy name was Dominic Logan. Logan is kind of a non-negotiable (and hopefully my future husband will agree!) because it is the last name of my grandparents. My mom's father died when she was very young, and I never met him. My grandma remarried before I was born, and my beloved grandpa never had biological children of his own. I have claimed the name Logan for myself as a way of honoring my grandparents, who practically raised me when I was young.

I am over Dominic. I need a new boys name to be paired with the middle name Logan. I do not want Logan to be a first name, due to popularity.

My short list of names now is:

Lucas Gregory (Gregory is my dad's name)
Leah Madeline (LINE, not LYNN)
Sofia Charlotte or Sofia Vivienne

So that gives you an idea of my taste. I tend to lean towards old-fashioned names. Some other names I like are:

Stella, Violet, Hannah, Anna, Lila

Leo, Gavin, James, Henry

None of the boy names flows with Logan the way I want it to, except for James. BUT, I have big reservations against using Lucas, Sofia, and James. (And if you watch One Tree Hill, you know why!)

So, help! Give me some fresh ideas. My name-nerd self would be oh-so appreciative. (:

Thank you!

First and foremost, thank you all so much for your prayers! I believe they got me through the night and through the day today. You are all awesome!! Please, let me repay you. If you are in need of prayers or even god wishes in any way, do not hesitate to let me know so that I may pray for you.

Today went very well! The lesson went well, the kids were great, and I didn't freak out the way I expected to. (Again- thank you!) Overall, it was a success! My observer told me that she spoke to some teachers in the building before coming to my room, and they said I was great. What a confidence booster! After it was all done and over, I was wondering why I got all worked up. It wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it would be. (:

In other news, I get to go to camp! In April, with my students, we will be heading 3 hours away for 4 days of camp fun. I am so excited! Probably more so than any of the 7th graders! (:

Happy Wednesday, all!

Ten Things Tuesday.

Click the banner to go to XBOX Wife's Blog! Thanks for starting this. (:

Today, I am thankful for:

1. Having (some) energy even though I've been sick.
2. Friends who care about me. It feels nice that I have people in my life who truly care about my well-being!
3. Thanksgiving. I will not be with my family this year (I'll be all alone), but I am thankful that the holiday exists. In this fast-paced world, I'm glad that we have a day that is all about giving thanks and about being with the people you love. It helps us to slow down and remember what is really important.
4. Fog delays. Now if only we would have one! ;)
5. The kindness of strangers.
6. Bubbly, warm coats.
7. Day Quil!
8. Dinner with friends.
9. LIFE!
10. The cute, funny things that kids say.

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On a different note, I could use a small prayer. I have my observer from school coming tomorrow to watch me teach, and I am way nervous. I woke up nauseous this morning just thinking about it. I'm afraid that tomorrow I'm going to wake up, throw up, and then cry. I know this is not that big of a deal- I've done a million presentations, I've taught many lessons, and I'm just starting out. No one is expecting me to be perfect. But still. I'm just so nervous! I keep telling myself that by this time tomorrow, it will be over and done with, and that it will seem like I was getting all worked up over nothing. At least writing this out helped calm my nerves for the time being. I think I'm going to crawl into my bed around 9:30 tonight will a book, and just try to get my mind off of it and get to sleep early so I can be well rested.

So if you could, please just say a small prayer for me- both for my nerves, and that everything goes well.

I hope everyone is having a good week so far!

Not Me Monday!

Wow, how did I forget about this? I've been teaching all day of course, but usually I remember around noon and wait in anticipation to get home and participate. I guess with being sick and starting a new unit, my mind has been completely occupied.

Head over to MckMamma's blog to see what all the commotion is about!

This week, I did not:

Buy two Slim Jims and a Hershey bar at the gas station. That would be a complete waste of money and a terrible lunch choice!

Completely alter my genre lesson plan at the last minute because I decided my students do not need a full day for fiction and a full day for non-fiction.

Sleep 12 hours Friday night, thanks to a new cold. If you follow my blog, you know that I would never do that!

Decide that my hair is easier to manage if I don't shower the night before all the time, and resort to washing my hair every other day. That would be gross!

Get really sad when Taylor Swift did not win a GMA on Wednesday night. That would be crazy and borderline obsessive!

Have a great week, everyone!

Favorite Post Secret.

I wanted to keep this post separate. This is my second week of sharing my favorite Post Secret of the week. Whoohoo! (:



There were secrets deeper and more profound than this one, but I just had to post this as my favorite so that I could share- when I was younger, I thought that there were people sitting in buildings somewhere around traffic lights, and they would watch for cars to get backed up and decide when to change the lights. I swear. I would always look around for them when we would be stopped, thinking, "C'mon guys, can't you see we've been waiting for an entire minute now?"

Lose now.

Phew, what a weekend! I feel like they just fly by lately. It's like I woke up and it was Sunday all the sudden, and then work was over, and then the day was over! Where does the time go?

I'm feeling better, but I'm still pretty congested. I got a lot of sleep this weekend. Friday night I slept a full 12 hours, and then took a 2 hour nap before work. Last night I slept for about 7 hours. Tonight I won't be able to sleep nearly as long, but I'm going to try and drag myself off of the computer before 10, take some Nyquil, and read until I fall asleep.

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Tomorrow begins my plant unit. I feel bad, because tomorrow is just notes. I just couldn't find a way around them. I do have activities and small labs planned throughout the lesson, but tomorrow will not be a very interesting day.

I am also teaching my advanced reading and writing about the genre of science fiction, and we are reading a short story that I actually really enjoyed called "Lose Now, Pay Later". I hope they like it as much as I did!

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My niece may have a name! They are loving the name Emily Grace right now. Grace is also Olivia's middle name. They've changed their minds several times, though (from Brooklyn to Reagan to Madalyn to Emily), so we'll see if it sticks or not!

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I hope everyone had a good weekend!

It's a....

I only had one person guess, and she was correct! It's a girl! (:

I am so happy for them. Olivia died before birth (she and Ben are twins), and they were hoping for a girl this time around. Not to replace Liv, of course. No one could ever do that.

In other news, I am officially sick. I knew that it wouldn't be long before my students passed on their creepy-crud cooties to me. I think it's just a cold, and I slept for 12 hours thanks to Nyquil last night. Right now it's mostly just congestion. I hope my body can fight this virus off quickly! I have to much that needs to be done to be sick. Like make Power Points for next week, and practice the plant labs. And clean my apartment. And do laundry. And... ah! The list goes on and on.

How is everyone's weekend so far? What do people think about forming a book club? And check out my "Ask Me Anything" post! (:

Boy or girl?

Today is the day I get to find out if I will get a new niece or nephew in April. Take a quick vote... will it be a Colton or a girl? (They haven't chosen a girl name yet. It was Madalyn but they're not convinced!)

Ask me anything. Seriously.

And I mean anything!

I've been really into video editing lately. And I had this kind of cool idea if I can get it to work.

I want you guys to ask me anything you could ever want to know about me. And I'll make sort of a video to tell you all about it. Kind of a video blog sort of deal. So if you ask me what my apartment looks like, I'll take you on a mini tour. And then if you ask me what my favorite outfit is, it'll cut to my favorite outfit. That sort of thing. So again, ask me anything, but it'll be even more cool if the questions are things I can videotape.

So what do you think? This will really only work if you guys ask, ask, ask! So please. Do it! (:

I thought about turning this into some kind of contest, but I'm not sure what I would give out. Hmmm. I'll think on that for a bit.

Talking to Taylor, now with picture

Taylor**Update: That was amazing! She had a live video chat with her fans at 7 central time for about an hour. It was SO COOL! I logged on Myspace just in time to see that she had posted a bulletin announcing it, and rushed over and logged into the chat. She is so real, and that's what I like about her. It was like chatting with a best friend.

**I uploaded a picture I took with my phone while we were chatting. (:



I get to talk live with Taylor Swift in 9 minutes!!!! AHHH! (:

Bookworm

I am really excited today.

Want to know why?

It's because I went to the library. And got books! I love books. I love to read. I even made an Amazon Wish List this year, which I have never done before. I guess, for the past couple of years, I just haven't made time to read. Over the summer, I read a lot! But my computer was also broken.

I guess what I'm saying is, I don't know how to prioritize.

But I really want to get back into reading! I read an assortment of genres. Horror, Christian, fluff, tragedy... if it sounds interesting to me, I give it a try.

I grew up on The Babysitter's Club. My taste has since matured, but I have been known to read one if I'm at my parent's house and can't sleep ... would never do that.

If you know of any books that might be of interest to me, send them my way. (:

In fact, if we could get enough people interested, it might even be fun to start some sort of blogger bookclub.

Today, I checked out Freakenomics, We Need to Talk About Kevin, and An Abundance of Katherines. I told you I'll read just about anything. That is, I'll give anything a fair shot. If I get 30 pages in and can barely... turn... page, then I'll probably call it quits. And I guess there are some things that I have absolutely no interest in. But for the most part, my style is kind of all over the place.

I guess I'm kind of a geek at heart. And I'm cool with that. (:

Forgot!

**Update: Taylor's award hasn't been presented yet. Fingers crossed!

Is anyone watching the CMAs?! I totally forgot they were on tonight and missed most of them. ):

Did Taylor win?

Who all performed?

I'm so sad I missed the majority of them.

Ah, oh well.

A Wednesday Evening.

Thank you all for your prayers for my aunt! I know they will mean a lot to her.



And I'm here again to ask for one more prayer! My mentoring teacher's mom has had her Pace Maker fail twice this week. It seems that she is doing better now, but please say a prayer for her if you think about it. It's been a rough week for their family.



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Ya know, I used to look forward to weekends. I used to love it when the week sped along and Friday arrived. But lately, I love the week. I love teaching! It's challenging and frustrating and wonderful. My weekend job is retail, and well... I don't love it. I will not be sad when it's time to say goodbye to selling clothes forever!



The worst part is the pressure they put on us to put pressure on the customers to sign up for a credit card. In this economy, nobody needs to go into credit card debt! And it's so very easy to charge $300 worth of clothes when you know you can't afford it. I just don't feel right asking people to sign up for a card when I know the holidays are coming up and it would be easy for someone to max out their card when they can't afford the things they are buying. Sure, people might choose to do it anyway. But I don't want to be a part of it!



If I thought I could go out and find a new job that would allow me to only work weekends, plus be flexible with me so I can go 3 hours to see my family on holidays, I would. But anyone who is hiring right now is doing so just for the holidays, and I need a job until at least May. I guess I'm just going to have to focus on how great the weeks are, and remember that the weekends often fly by.



Because tomorrow I might have to go and fly awayyyy.

Another baby goes to Jesus.

I just found out that my aunt lost her baby. This is the third one she's lost... first one that has lived long enough to hear a heartbeat. She was about 12 weeks along.

Please pray for her and her husband. She has wanted a baby so badly for so long... I remember being so young that I still needed a babysitter so she was watching my sisters and me, and we were laying on her bed talking about baby names and how she couldn't wait to have a child. That was at least 10 years ago, and she still doesn't have one.

I can't imagine... can't fathom what she's going through. It never makes sense why someone must go through such troubles. I know that God has it all under control... I just wish it was clear why.

Late.

**I forgot that I had saved this when I had to restart my computer, and didn't post it. It's about 3 hours old now, but I'll go ahead and post it anyway.

It isn't even 6 PM and it feels like it's past midnight. I guess that's what happens when you spend the first 6 of your waking hours doing a unit! But the good news is, I'm done! And I don't have to worry about writing another unit until January. Yessss!

I am so thankful for all the people I have stopping by my blog. Seriously, it's awesome! I should have added that to my Ten for Tuesday, but since I didn't, I'm saying it now. You all rock!

I'm thinking of holding some kind of contest. A holiday themed contest. But I'm not entirely sure what it would be, or what the prize would be. Hmmm. I might have to think on that for a bit. Any thoughts? Ideas? Bueller?

And if you haven't bought this girl's CD yet, do it! Unless you have no money, like me. In that case, you're forgiven. Because I can't afford it and haven't gotten it yet, either.

Ten Things Tuesday.

Thanks to XBOX Wife for starting this! Click the picture to go over to her site and add your very own ten things.

Today, I am thankful for:
1. Heating! It is awfully chilly outside.
2. Our veterans.
3. Having the whole day to finish up this unit that I've been struggling with.
4. My computer cooperating with me today!
5. The fact that my cooperating teacher's mom's surgery was successful yesterday.
6. The fact that my students think I'm cool!
7. Being able to sleep in this morning... 10 am! Woot!
8. The togetherness that the holidays tend to bring.
9. My new niece/nephew... stay safe in there until April, little one.
10. My new cousin due in May. My aunt has had trouble conceiving her whole life, and has had several miscarriages. We are praying this beany baby makes it.

What are you thankful for?

Vascular, nonvascular... AH.

I am totally and completely stressed. I thought I had this plant unit all outlined and ready to go, but there is so much information for a 7th grader to retain over a 10 day period. I need more time! I need more activities! The problem is, I can't afford the supplies and I can't go beyond 10 days. Teaching to the test... UGH

End of small teacher rant.

Carry on.

Fearless.

I have been a fan of Taylor Swift before she became a household name. I knew all her songs way before they were ever on the radio.

I went to one of her concerts a couple of years back and got chills. It was the first time music had ever impacted me that way. I have never had a song give me chills before!

What I'm saying is, I'm a fan. A big fan!

Her new CD comes out at midnight tonight. She'll be at a Wal-Mart in Tennessee picking up a copy, and I am so very jealous that I won't be there.

She used to be able to wait after concerts to sign autographs, but now she doesn't do it as often because she has to be on the road right after to head off to her next destination. I really regret not staying to wait for an autograph and to meet her when I had the chance. I guess I just thought I could do it next time. Besides, I had my little sisters with me and another band was performing after her, and I didn't want to keep them out all night.

So if you're a Taylor fan, or just a country music fan at all, check out her new CD! I don't think you'll be disappointed.

And if you're secretly her best friend or grandma or fifth cousin once removed and you want to introduce me to her, that'd be okay, too. (:

Not Me! Monday.

Join in the fun! Go to MckMama's blog and see what all the fuss is about! (:

So, this week...

I did not get really sad that I'm so far down on the Not Me list!

I did not get frustrated during a review game with my students. I know review day is always a little crazy, but they were so loud today!

I certainly did not come home today and get straight into my comfortable pajamas. This cold, dreary weather will not push you to do such a thing!

I did not go to a buffet last night and have a nice sampling of every single thing that looked good. It was not the first time I've eaten out in months!

I did not have a homemade MckMuffin (: for lunch today.

I do not wish that I could have cuddled with little MckMuffin instead!

And I do not forget what else I wanted to put in this post because my brain doesn't like to think back that far!

Have a wonderful week, all! I will not be working on a unit plan all night and probably will not make several more posts before the clock strikes midnight!

Favorite Post Secret

Every Sunday (or perhaps Monday, depending on the day I remember!), I'm going to try and post my favorite Post Secret of the week on here. 

If you've never been to the site, I suggest it! It will move you, upset you, make you laugh, and make you cry. And sometimes all in the same week!

So, here is numero uno!

My favorite secret this week is:

Off to work!

Why won't my Twitter account activate? ): I've sent the code to my phone 3 times, and nothing. I guess my phone knows I'll get addicted and it'll be just another distraction!

I am so mad at my dark jeans. They are my favorite and I bought them less than a month ago. And they are already ratty and have "runs" in them! I'm so mad!! Granted, I only spent $20 on them, but I expected them to last longer than this. After all, I don't make much money. I expect clothes to last when I spend that much on them!

From now on, I'm sticking to Arizona or Levi or... something that is actually going to last!

Untitled.

I am really, really frustrated right now. Like, so frustrated that I don't even think I could put it all into words. I just feel like I'm the only one who cares that Olivia's birthday is coming up. Yes, it is Ben's birthday too. It is a celebration of his life. But shouldn't Olivia be remembered, too? Am I the only one who is willing to put aside how much it hurts to think that she is gone for one day to remind her parents that we love and miss her too? That they are not completely alone in missing her? Is that too much to ask?!

Please, say a prayer for me that I can make sense of this in my head. I just... UGH.

100.

WHOO HOO!

100 views since I put up my new counter earlier this week. How awesome is that?

I love that people are stopping by and seeing what I have to say. If you stop by today, or ever, feel free to leave a comment to let me know you were here. (: I love to see who is reading so that I can go and read their blog, and perhaps make a new friend.

And for the 100 view bonus: Benjamin!

Flip, flop.

I've told myself that I should try and blog everyday, even if I don't have anything very interesting to say. Sometimes, if I happen to be on my computer and something pops into my head, I blog about it. I just think it really helps to write, no matter what you write about. It's a bit cathartic to get your thoughts down on paper... uh, on screen?

I used to have a terrible time sleeping. I mean, I would literally lay in bed for hours, tossing and turning, with thoughts zooming around in my head. I would worry and analyze and over-analyze things that I had no control over in that moment in time while laying in my bed, but I would think about them anyway. When morning came, I couldn't drag myself out of bed on time most days because I was just plain exhausted from all the thinking and tossing and turning. It was not good.

And then I remembered reading somewhere that writing down your thoughts can really help this. So I started to do that... I would record on my Myspace blog, on paper, on a Word document. And ya know what? The tossing and turning stopped. I could sleep again! I could get up in the morning! Before that, I couldn't remember the last time I could just lay down and be out in several minutes. I would envy people who could do that! I had no idea what it was like. And even though I don't necessarily get my thoughts out every night now, it really trained my brain that, when my head hit my pillow, it did not mean it was time to run wild. It was time to pray, Praise God, thank Him for all that he did for me that day- and then it was time to sleep.

And sleep I do! There are times now that I don't even remember dalling asleep because it happened so fast. And I can get up at 6 Am and have the energy to teach 7th graders all day. It is wonderful!

Speaking of my 7th graders, have I mentioned lately how cool they are and how much I adore them? I was blesse with such a great group of kids. They rock!

Earthy.

Did you know that most of the Earth's oxygen does not come from trees and plants, but from phytoplankton living near the surface of the ocean?

If not, you do now!

(:

Christian the Lion.

Are you in need of a good, from-the-heart, never felt so happy cry?

If so, you have to watch this video. I've seen it before, but I tear up just thinking about it. I watched it again today and my eyes still sting from crying! But, my heart feels so full and glad.

So, if you dare, take a look. Don't forget the tissues before you press play- you'll need them!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=adYbFQFXG0U

Ah choo.

Great news! Mark was back in school today and feeling fine. He laughed along with us about the sneeze. That is what I love about 7th graders- they can take a joke and aren't afraid to laugh at themselves.

Oh Friday, I cannot wait until you are here. Don't get me wrong- I love my students. I love teaching. But I need some sleep! I am ridiculously excited to sleep in Saturday morning. I might even take a little nap when I get home tomorrow before working on my Plant unit.

I may even take a small nap now...

Take that.

From class yesterday:

Student A: Are viruses contagious?

Me: Yes, you can catch some viruses pretty easily.

Student A: How do you catch a virus?

Me: Well, there are a lot of ways. Some are air born, some you can catch through contact with other people... lots of ways.  If someone coughs on you and they are carrying a virus, you can catch it.

*Burst of laughter from the back of the room*

Me: What's so funny boys?

Student B: Well, um, ha ha ha. Today at lunch, (stops to breathe through a laugh), I turned my head to sneeze, ha ha, and I didn't cover my mouth with my arm fast enough, ha ha ha, and I sneezed all over Mark's face! It got in his mouth!

Me: Speechless.

When I learned that Mark was out sick from school today, I couldn't help but giggle. Now how is that for authentic learning?

**Disclaimer: I hope Mark is feeling good as new tomorrow!

Good Morning Starshine.

I was greeted by a beautiful sunrise on this warm November morning, and it was lovely. I took a picture with my phone, but cannot seem to get it on here. It may be added later, though!

I am pooped. I mean dragging my feet, collapsing as soon as I walk in the door, drained of all energy, pooped! I knew teaching was going to be hard work, and I am fine with that. But how in the world am I supposed to write a 10 day unit to start teaching on November 19 if I can't even keep my mind focuses on something as simple as the television after 3:30 PM? I'm at the library now, trying to get this stuff typed up, and my mind cannot seem to hold any information.

It definitely didn't help that I couldn't get to bed early last night- I was dying to know who the new president was and would not rest until I knew! Even though I was sure it would be Obama (I've been pretty sure for weeks now and was positive after about the 2nd hour of precinct reporting), I had to know for sure. Just the way I am, I guess! (:

My heart broke for John McCain last night. This was his last shot, and his final speech just got to me. You can really see how much that man loves his country. I know that God has chosen the right person to lead our country, but I just want to give John McCain a giant bear hug and have a cup of coffee with him or something. Such a class act, that man.

I suppose I should flit off and try to get some of this lesson done. Anyone have any awesome ideas on how to teach plants to 7th graders?

May God bless President Obama.

May God bless President Obama. Though he was not my candidate of choice, I am proud to be an American today. Here's to a bright future for all!

One of my best friends

One of my best friends was engaged tonight! Congratulations to Danielle and Matt, who I am so happy for and not the LEAST bit jealous...

8:38 PM

I am still a bill ball of nerves over here! I know I have to get up at the crack of dawn and teach, and that I need to make myself turn the lights out and the computer off by 10 PM, but man, oh, man! This is so scary and exhilirating and just... wow. Crazy that it is actually today!

Just ramblin' to keep my mind focused and my nerves in check. (:

The 4th of November.

We are minutes away from the first poll closings and reports. I am so nervous!

I know that God already knows who will win, but I cannot help but pray that He chooses the right person. Like I should have any doubt!

I guess I've just never been too into politics before, so this is all quite new to me.

God Bless America.

Election Day.

Ya know what I did today?



That's right.



I hope you did, too!

(And sorry for the crappy cell phone pictures! And the bra strap!)

So, I have figured out

So, I have figured out how to mobile blog. Guess this means I will be able to procrastinate on my blog even when I'm away from the computer. :)

Not Me Monday.

This is my first time doing this, so bear (bare? baer? :P) with me! This is all part of MckMama's blog which, if you haven't guessed, I read daily! Check out her site for more NMM entries, including her (much better than mine) entries!

And here... we... go!

Today, I did not hit the snooze button until I had only 45 minutes to get ready and head out the door. I did not freak out a little when I realized it was light outside when I arose, second later realizing that Daylight Savings just ended.

I did not hope that my students would keep asking questions today so that we wouldn't have to review the worksheet that I really wasn't in the mood to go over. I did not smile broadly when, period after period, we ran out of time before we could get to it.

I did not spend almost two hours trying boot up my computer to locate where I could go for Early Voting, only to get sucked into my blog as soon as I got it up and running. I also did not skip E.V. so that I could sit on my butt in front of the computer. Nope, not me! (Disclaimer: I WILL be voting tomorrow!)

I did not cook pasta salad just minutes after finishing my lunch. It is not sitting in the fridge, begging me to come try a bite.

And last but not least, I do not still smile and tear up every time I think about perfect, beautiful, healthy Stellan all snuggled up in his family's arms. I would never do that!

Happy Week everyone! Get out there and vote! (:

Daylight.

I had a student today convinced that Daylight Savings ending meant a longer day at school. Try as we might, we could not get through to her that the hours changing meant that you both "got to school an hour later" and "left an hour later". I guess it can be kind of confusing, but I just couldn't help but giggle. Bless her heart.

I also learned a lot about viruses today when I helped teach the section on it. For example, did you know that there are four shapes of viruses? Crystal, sphere, cylinder, and spacecraft. And yes, the spacecraft virus really does look like a spacecraft! I also learned that all of those Lysol "Kills 99% of viruses" is misleading. Viruses are not alive; therefore, they cannot be killed. You can wipe them up and throw them into the trash, but you aren't killing anything. Interesting, isn't it?

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I have decide that this layout is incredibly dull. I would love a more customized layout, but I simply don't have the money to purchase one. I wonder if I can Google and find a free version? I may have to look into that.

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Please continue to pray for Nick. Also, if you could spare a few more prayers, please pray for my new niece or nephew and my new cousin, due April and May.

I ask so much.

But, once again, I am hear to ask for prayers. BIG prayers.

My friend Katie lost her little girl early this past summer. Baby Angela was born too soon and did not get to stay here on Earth. Instead, her ashes were spread over the ocean, and her memory remains in the heart of her parents, big brother, and those who loved her. I never got to meet Angela, but I love her just the same.

Katie's son, Nick, age 4, was just diagnosed with leukemia this past week.

Please pray, and pray hard, for little Nick.

If you have been following MckMama's blog, then you know the power of prayer. I know the power of prayer. And I know that you will get down on your knees and ask Him to heal this little boy, to give his mama and daddy the strength to make it through this trial, and to ask him to wrap this boy in His love.

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In other news, Stellan was born October 29 and is a perfect, healthy infant. Are you surprised? God had a miracle saved for that little boy, and I am humbled.

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I begin full-time Methods (much like student-teaching) tomorrow. I am done with college classes forever. Crazy! I do not feel old enough for this. I do not feel prepared. I am scared and anxious and excited and about 16 other things.

Until next time.