Not Me! Monday... on Tuesday.

I couldn't resist posting this week, and since I didn't do it yesterday I'm going to do it today. Let's just pretend it's Monday, shall we? And if you haven't joined in, head over to MckMama's blog and be a part of the party.

I did not send a Christmas card meant for Katie to Emma, and a Christmas card for Emma to Katie. That would be a totally blonde thing to do, and my hair is dark! I would never make such an embarrassing mistake!

My car has not been a block of ice for the last week because it's just too cold to get all of the ice off of it. I do not scrape off the minimum for me to be able to see and leave the rest. Nope!

I did not find myself laughing at a scary movie last night that I was watching all alone. First of all, it was meant to be scary! And second of all, I should never watch scary movies alone, ever. So clearly, this never happened.

I am not incredibly excited to give my family all the gifts I picked out for them. I am also not excited to go Christmas shopping tomorrow with my mom and spend time with her. (I actually haven't seen my family since October, and I miss them!)

I am not wearing leg warmers right now. I would never do that.

Happy holidays, everyone!

Still alive!

Hey all, I'm still alive. (: I've been super busy with the holidays, as I'm sure you all are as well. I just want to wish everyone a very Merry Christmas early in case I don't get on here again before the big day. Remember Christ and His love, the real meaning of Christmas. Spend the time loving and being with your families.

I swear, after the holidays, I need to catch up with all of you! I feel like I haven't talked to anyone in forever. I promise, I'm going to make a real effort once everything settles down.

Happy holidays, all!

Also, my favorite Post Secret of the week:

Not Me! Monday

Can you believe it's that time again?! Monday, Monday. If you haven't joined in confessing in all of the things you didn't do last week, hop on over and check out MckMama's blog and make a post of your own!

I did not already make a Not Me post, only to have it eaten by my internet!

I have not seen Twilight three (three!) times.

I did not procrastinate a project and have to work on it all day today and have to turn it in first thing in the morning.

I did not go out drinking twice last week. My friend turned 22 and I hadn't been to the bars in months.

I do not have a new dream to move out west and meet a Native American boy to fall in love with. I do not realize that this is totally irrational. I am not actually considering moving out west to teach, regardless of whether or not there's a boy waiting me (without even knowing it!).

I did not have laundry draped over every surface in my apartment for the past two days becase the washing machine broke, leaving my clothes soaking wet, and I didn't have enough quarters to dry them all the way.

I am not looking forward to three days with nothing to do this week!

Favorite Post Secret.

And yours?

Pumpkin pie with whipped cream. Dancing around and cleaning my apartment. And then having a clean apartment. Watching a student get a good grade on something they worked really hard on. A good love song. A great book. Wishing for a fairy tale. A really good smelling candle. A smile from a stranger. A pen that writes flawlessly. Clean sheets and pillowcases, warm from the dryer. The smell of a campfire. The sound of pouring rain. The joy of giving.

And now it's your turn. What simple pleasures do you enjoy?

Not Me! Monday.

After missing a week of doing Not Me! Monday, I'm ready to kick myself back in gear! If you haven't joined in the fun, head on over to MckMama's blog to check it out!

This week, I did not thank God a little for having my car break down, because it meant I was able to spend an entire day with my best friend (instead of going to work), who I haven't seen much lately. It did not feel great to rekindle that friendship and spend the day Christmas shopping.

During that Christmas shopping, I did not go to FOUR stores searching for the book Eclipse. I did not pay cover price when I found it at Barnes and Noble because I was sick of searching.

I have not been sleeping on my pull-out couch for over a week now instead of my perfectly good bed.

I did not buy an Edward poster and hang it in my bedroom like a starstruck teenage girl. He is not beautiful.

And lastly, I did not, would never, cover up other cds with Taylor Swift's new album at Wal-Mart. And I did not take the following picture in order to document my achievement. That would be childish!



(:

Favorite Post Secret.

6 days.

Wow. 6 days into December and this is my first post. Can you tell I've been swamped?

Okay. That's not exactly true. Why I have been busy with end of the semester stuff, you can blame books for my big absence. I've been a real bookworm lately. I think I read 5 books this past week. I was off to buy Eclipse today and start it when my car decided to break down. God bless the kind man and his wife who stopped to give me a hand. Seriously, the kindness of strangers is amazing. People like him really help me believe that humanity isn't a complete wreck.

The man who stopped to help said he thinks it's my clutch. But of course, it's Saturday, and the shops were all but closed by the time I got a hold of a towing company. And they aren't open on Sundays, which really doesn't make any sense to me. People need to drive on Sundays, too!

So, I am currently car-less and Eclipse-less. I wanted to get a bunch of Christmas shopping done today, but I am stranded at home and my poor car is stranded in a parking lot in town. And I was going to go to urgent care to get my hand x-rayed (I have a big, and I mean BIG, bump that has been growing) but I couldn't do that, either.

Geez, I really didn't mean for this to turn into a vent-fest. Things could really be worse! It's just bad timing, that's all. Christmas time when my parents are already strapped for money... yikes.

But I'm still alive, in case you were worried. (:

Alone?

I've been feeling down.

It's been a weekend full of emotions. I miss my niece, horribly. I think missing her has escalated other emotions. And with that, the feeling of being alone and lonely.

I was supposed to go on a blind date last night. I haven't dated in years, and the reason for that is a whole other post. The point is, it was going to be the first in quite some time. And that's just sad. I'm 21 years old and I'm already feeling resigned to being alone for the duration of my life. I have my family, and I have good friends. But love? I don't exactly have that. Not romantic love, that is.

As it is, I didn't go on my date. I chalked it up to being exhausted- I worked 1-10 and my mind and heart were heavy because of the anniversary of my niece's death. Sadly, I didn't think too hard on that. I think she knows I love and miss her... in fact, I HAVE to believe she knows. I didn't even cry. Does that make me a terrible person? I feel bad about it. I started to on my drive home last night, but the tears didn't make it out of my eyes. Is it okay that I didn't cry? I feel like I've cried over her so many times that... well, I didn't yesterday. I do need to spend some time being with her. I may do that tonight. It's just, when I do spend my time with her, it often effects me for days, more so than normal. It takes me to a pretty dark place. I'm not sure I'm ready to go there quite yet. And I think she understands that.

Loneliness.

For several reasons, I won't be going out with this particular person in the future, either. I'm sure he's a perfectly decent guy, but his reaction to our broken date, when we haven't even met yet- I'm not prepared to deal with someone like that.

And frankly, I'm afraid of what another person might do to me. I have a lot of things in my life, a lot to be thankful for. And I am thankful. And I'm worried about the pitfalls of relationships- the jealousy it can bring, and the worry, and the doubt. And I am worried that it might change me. I've been closer to God this year than ever before in my life. I was thinking about all this when something came to me:

God will never leave me.

And just that fact in and of itself, that should be enough. Why am I so worried about finding someone? And not even finding someone... someone who isn't going to change who I am. Someone who shares my love of Jesus, someone who will love me, completely and deeply, for the person that I am. Does this man even exist? It seems that God is the one, the only one, who can give that to me.

And that's really enough.

It has to be. Who else knows me more than I know myself? Who will look at me, accept me completely?

Does that mean I'm going to stop looking for that kind, generous, loving Christian man that seems to exist only in my head? No, probably not. Maybe he's out there somewhere. Maybe not.

This post has taken all kinds of turns in directions I'm not sure I meant for it to take. I appreciate you (all of you!) for taking the time to read a little, or some, or all of it.

Have a nice week, everyone.

Missing you terribly.

Olivia Grace
11-29-07 - 11-29-07

No clever title.

I hope everyone had a blessed Thanksgiving and enjoyed the day with their loved ones! Mine was nice, even if I did spend it alone. I read Harry Potter all day with movies playing in the background. I also went to the grocery and made myself a nice Thanksgiving dinner- pork chops, green bean casserole, mashed potatoes, stuffing, cranberry sauce, rolls, and pumpkin pie. I'm going to have leftovers for a week!

I also talked with my sister-in-law a lot (texting) about my new niece who is due in April. Bill doesn't care about the name this time around, so Melissa said she and I will decide. YES! Those of you who know me, know I love baby names! :P We settled on maybe using Hailey last night. Her style is a little different than mine, and of course the final decision is up to her, but it's still fun! I love being a part of her life like this, even before she is officially "here".

Speaking of nieces, tomorrow will be one year since we lost Olivia. I'm not going to write a lot about it now, and I might not write much about it tomorrow, either. I just want to try to be with myself and with her as I deal with whatever comes. It's very confusing to have my nephew's first birthday on the same anniversary of the day I said goodbye to Liv. I'm sure I'll be dealing with a whole load of emotions. If you wish, please keep Bill and Melissa, and Ben too, in your prayers tomorrow.

Until next time...

601.

That's right, I have had 601 views to my blog in the last month! How awesome is that? Thanks to all who stop by.

Okay, about Twilight. Don't take my word for the movie and book being good. (Even though I was up for a full 24 hours yesterday because of it... after teaching and working at my part-time job until 1 AM, I had to finish the book!) I'm not incredibly picky. And keep in mind that I saw the movie before I read the book, so I didn't have expectations for it. I love a good love story, and I thought this one was unique. In the movie, some of the acting is bad. And there isn't a whole lot of action. And some things are moved around and some things are missing. They've added characters and changed others. This is just how the movie business goes. But the actors playing Bella and Edward had great chemistry, and I believed they loved each other. And like I said... I'm all for a good love story. Being in love is something sorely lacking in my life at the moment, so I like to let myself get immersed in their (fake) love affair.

And I would feel awful if you went out and spent $10 to see it because I gushed about how great it was, and then hate it. Like I said, I'm not picky. Some of my favorite movies are those that others hated. So take what I've said with a grain of salt.

So, yes. It is 1:17 in the afternoon and I just awoke fifteen minutes ago, thanks to Edward and Bella. And now I need the second book! I'm not getting it until Friday, so I am reading the 7th Harry Potter in the meantime. (I know, I know. I really meant to read it when it first came out, but I had so much trouble getting through the 6th one. It was just so boring!) I've heard lots of good things about the 7th one, so I plan on spending today cleaning my apartment, doing laundry, and reading it. I'll probably be done by tomorrow evening, since I have tomorrow completely free, too.

So, those are my Thanksgiving day plans. How about you? (:

Not Me! Monday

With my schedule, I have reserved myself to the fact that I will never be one of the first 100 Not Me posters. Ah, oh well.

If you want to join in the circus and see what all the commotion is about, head on over to MckMama's blog!

This week...

I did not go see Twilight and become instantly obsessed. I have not had the book for less than 19 hours and am not already on page 200.

I did not think Jacob (in the movie) was sexy, and then realize he was 16. It did not make me feel dirty!

I am not unbelievably excited about Thanksgiving break!

I did not turn down invitations to attend other family's Thanksgiving dinners because I want to lounge around and be lazy and relax all day!

I am not rushing through this post so that I can go read more Twilight!

I did not spend half of my paycheck on Christmas presents. I will not regret it when it comes time to pay my bills.

I do not hope lots of people comment me today, and this week! (:

Have a glorious week, all.

Favorite Post Secret.

Check out all the secrets from this week here.

A different virus.

I hope everyone had a great weekend. Sunday already?! Where does the time fly off to?

I've been trying to get video ready for my video blog answering your questions. Hopefully I can have it up sometime before Christmas! :P (And ask more questions if you feel so inclined!)

Has anyone seen Twilight yet? I'm going to see it tonight. I have not read the books (I'm starting the first one tonight, after the movie), but a lot of my students will have seen the movie this weekend and I like to be in the loop. (: Also, people at work told me that I remind them of Jessica in the movie, so of course I have to go and check THAT out.

My computer and internet are both being loopy, and it wouldn't surprise me if one or both decide to conk out permanently on me. My computer is FULL of viruses, and try as I might, I can't seem to get rid of them. And I don't have the money at all to take it somewhere and have it cleaned out. So, I might be computer-less any day now. ):

Have a fantastic Sunday, all.

It's no longer "Fryday", BUT...

Head over to MckMama's blog and check out this post. You just might end up winning a custom header for your blog, plus some cool camera stuff. (: And if you don't? Well, you'll still get to gaze upon beautiful Miss Small Fry herself, in all her adorable glory.

So what are you waiting for? Get over there!

What's in a name?

I don't know that I've mentioned it on my blog before, but I constantly have baby fever. Or rather, I have Mama-wannabe fever. I just can't wait to have kids. I can't wait to splash the walls with bright colors and buy cribs and big kid beds, and pick out the world's cutest clothes, and wake up 16 times a night to make sure they aren't cold or to feed them or snuggle them, and... well, I just can't wait! I watch my nephew (who will be one next week-crazy!) for weekends at a time sometimes, and I treasure getting up with him in the middle of the night, when it's just the two of us, and he's depending on me to get him his bottle or comfort him. Now, I don't think I will be quite as happy when I myself have to get up at 5 AM to head off to work on top of it. The truth is, I do want to be able to stay at home with my kids for the first few years. I love teaching and don't think I would want to leave it forever, but I love the thought of being my child's primary caregiver for the first few years.

Wow, this post went a completely different direction than I was intending it to!

What I came to say is, I have baby fever. And with that comes baby name fever. And I am totally stuck! I love names, so I like to have a short list at all times. Will I be able to actually use these on my kids someday? Who knows. Will I even still like them when I become a Mama? We'll see. But it's fun to have one anyway.

So, I need your help!

For the longest time, my boy name was Dominic Logan. Logan is kind of a non-negotiable (and hopefully my future husband will agree!) because it is the last name of my grandparents. My mom's father died when she was very young, and I never met him. My grandma remarried before I was born, and my beloved grandpa never had biological children of his own. I have claimed the name Logan for myself as a way of honoring my grandparents, who practically raised me when I was young.

I am over Dominic. I need a new boys name to be paired with the middle name Logan. I do not want Logan to be a first name, due to popularity.

My short list of names now is:

Lucas Gregory (Gregory is my dad's name)
Leah Madeline (LINE, not LYNN)
Sofia Charlotte or Sofia Vivienne

So that gives you an idea of my taste. I tend to lean towards old-fashioned names. Some other names I like are:

Stella, Violet, Hannah, Anna, Lila

Leo, Gavin, James, Henry

None of the boy names flows with Logan the way I want it to, except for James. BUT, I have big reservations against using Lucas, Sofia, and James. (And if you watch One Tree Hill, you know why!)

So, help! Give me some fresh ideas. My name-nerd self would be oh-so appreciative. (:

Thank you!

First and foremost, thank you all so much for your prayers! I believe they got me through the night and through the day today. You are all awesome!! Please, let me repay you. If you are in need of prayers or even god wishes in any way, do not hesitate to let me know so that I may pray for you.

Today went very well! The lesson went well, the kids were great, and I didn't freak out the way I expected to. (Again- thank you!) Overall, it was a success! My observer told me that she spoke to some teachers in the building before coming to my room, and they said I was great. What a confidence booster! After it was all done and over, I was wondering why I got all worked up. It wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it would be. (:

In other news, I get to go to camp! In April, with my students, we will be heading 3 hours away for 4 days of camp fun. I am so excited! Probably more so than any of the 7th graders! (:

Happy Wednesday, all!

Ten Things Tuesday.

Click the banner to go to XBOX Wife's Blog! Thanks for starting this. (:

Today, I am thankful for:

1. Having (some) energy even though I've been sick.
2. Friends who care about me. It feels nice that I have people in my life who truly care about my well-being!
3. Thanksgiving. I will not be with my family this year (I'll be all alone), but I am thankful that the holiday exists. In this fast-paced world, I'm glad that we have a day that is all about giving thanks and about being with the people you love. It helps us to slow down and remember what is really important.
4. Fog delays. Now if only we would have one! ;)
5. The kindness of strangers.
6. Bubbly, warm coats.
7. Day Quil!
8. Dinner with friends.
9. LIFE!
10. The cute, funny things that kids say.

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On a different note, I could use a small prayer. I have my observer from school coming tomorrow to watch me teach, and I am way nervous. I woke up nauseous this morning just thinking about it. I'm afraid that tomorrow I'm going to wake up, throw up, and then cry. I know this is not that big of a deal- I've done a million presentations, I've taught many lessons, and I'm just starting out. No one is expecting me to be perfect. But still. I'm just so nervous! I keep telling myself that by this time tomorrow, it will be over and done with, and that it will seem like I was getting all worked up over nothing. At least writing this out helped calm my nerves for the time being. I think I'm going to crawl into my bed around 9:30 tonight will a book, and just try to get my mind off of it and get to sleep early so I can be well rested.

So if you could, please just say a small prayer for me- both for my nerves, and that everything goes well.

I hope everyone is having a good week so far!

Not Me Monday!

Wow, how did I forget about this? I've been teaching all day of course, but usually I remember around noon and wait in anticipation to get home and participate. I guess with being sick and starting a new unit, my mind has been completely occupied.

Head over to MckMamma's blog to see what all the commotion is about!

This week, I did not:

Buy two Slim Jims and a Hershey bar at the gas station. That would be a complete waste of money and a terrible lunch choice!

Completely alter my genre lesson plan at the last minute because I decided my students do not need a full day for fiction and a full day for non-fiction.

Sleep 12 hours Friday night, thanks to a new cold. If you follow my blog, you know that I would never do that!

Decide that my hair is easier to manage if I don't shower the night before all the time, and resort to washing my hair every other day. That would be gross!

Get really sad when Taylor Swift did not win a GMA on Wednesday night. That would be crazy and borderline obsessive!

Have a great week, everyone!

Favorite Post Secret.

I wanted to keep this post separate. This is my second week of sharing my favorite Post Secret of the week. Whoohoo! (:



There were secrets deeper and more profound than this one, but I just had to post this as my favorite so that I could share- when I was younger, I thought that there were people sitting in buildings somewhere around traffic lights, and they would watch for cars to get backed up and decide when to change the lights. I swear. I would always look around for them when we would be stopped, thinking, "C'mon guys, can't you see we've been waiting for an entire minute now?"

Lose now.

Phew, what a weekend! I feel like they just fly by lately. It's like I woke up and it was Sunday all the sudden, and then work was over, and then the day was over! Where does the time go?

I'm feeling better, but I'm still pretty congested. I got a lot of sleep this weekend. Friday night I slept a full 12 hours, and then took a 2 hour nap before work. Last night I slept for about 7 hours. Tonight I won't be able to sleep nearly as long, but I'm going to try and drag myself off of the computer before 10, take some Nyquil, and read until I fall asleep.

------

Tomorrow begins my plant unit. I feel bad, because tomorrow is just notes. I just couldn't find a way around them. I do have activities and small labs planned throughout the lesson, but tomorrow will not be a very interesting day.

I am also teaching my advanced reading and writing about the genre of science fiction, and we are reading a short story that I actually really enjoyed called "Lose Now, Pay Later". I hope they like it as much as I did!

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My niece may have a name! They are loving the name Emily Grace right now. Grace is also Olivia's middle name. They've changed their minds several times, though (from Brooklyn to Reagan to Madalyn to Emily), so we'll see if it sticks or not!

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I hope everyone had a good weekend!

It's a....

I only had one person guess, and she was correct! It's a girl! (:

I am so happy for them. Olivia died before birth (she and Ben are twins), and they were hoping for a girl this time around. Not to replace Liv, of course. No one could ever do that.

In other news, I am officially sick. I knew that it wouldn't be long before my students passed on their creepy-crud cooties to me. I think it's just a cold, and I slept for 12 hours thanks to Nyquil last night. Right now it's mostly just congestion. I hope my body can fight this virus off quickly! I have to much that needs to be done to be sick. Like make Power Points for next week, and practice the plant labs. And clean my apartment. And do laundry. And... ah! The list goes on and on.

How is everyone's weekend so far? What do people think about forming a book club? And check out my "Ask Me Anything" post! (:

Boy or girl?

Today is the day I get to find out if I will get a new niece or nephew in April. Take a quick vote... will it be a Colton or a girl? (They haven't chosen a girl name yet. It was Madalyn but they're not convinced!)

Ask me anything. Seriously.

And I mean anything!

I've been really into video editing lately. And I had this kind of cool idea if I can get it to work.

I want you guys to ask me anything you could ever want to know about me. And I'll make sort of a video to tell you all about it. Kind of a video blog sort of deal. So if you ask me what my apartment looks like, I'll take you on a mini tour. And then if you ask me what my favorite outfit is, it'll cut to my favorite outfit. That sort of thing. So again, ask me anything, but it'll be even more cool if the questions are things I can videotape.

So what do you think? This will really only work if you guys ask, ask, ask! So please. Do it! (:

I thought about turning this into some kind of contest, but I'm not sure what I would give out. Hmmm. I'll think on that for a bit.

Talking to Taylor, now with picture

Taylor**Update: That was amazing! She had a live video chat with her fans at 7 central time for about an hour. It was SO COOL! I logged on Myspace just in time to see that she had posted a bulletin announcing it, and rushed over and logged into the chat. She is so real, and that's what I like about her. It was like chatting with a best friend.

**I uploaded a picture I took with my phone while we were chatting. (:



I get to talk live with Taylor Swift in 9 minutes!!!! AHHH! (:

Bookworm

I am really excited today.

Want to know why?

It's because I went to the library. And got books! I love books. I love to read. I even made an Amazon Wish List this year, which I have never done before. I guess, for the past couple of years, I just haven't made time to read. Over the summer, I read a lot! But my computer was also broken.

I guess what I'm saying is, I don't know how to prioritize.

But I really want to get back into reading! I read an assortment of genres. Horror, Christian, fluff, tragedy... if it sounds interesting to me, I give it a try.

I grew up on The Babysitter's Club. My taste has since matured, but I have been known to read one if I'm at my parent's house and can't sleep ... would never do that.

If you know of any books that might be of interest to me, send them my way. (:

In fact, if we could get enough people interested, it might even be fun to start some sort of blogger bookclub.

Today, I checked out Freakenomics, We Need to Talk About Kevin, and An Abundance of Katherines. I told you I'll read just about anything. That is, I'll give anything a fair shot. If I get 30 pages in and can barely... turn... page, then I'll probably call it quits. And I guess there are some things that I have absolutely no interest in. But for the most part, my style is kind of all over the place.

I guess I'm kind of a geek at heart. And I'm cool with that. (:

Forgot!

**Update: Taylor's award hasn't been presented yet. Fingers crossed!

Is anyone watching the CMAs?! I totally forgot they were on tonight and missed most of them. ):

Did Taylor win?

Who all performed?

I'm so sad I missed the majority of them.

Ah, oh well.

A Wednesday Evening.

Thank you all for your prayers for my aunt! I know they will mean a lot to her.



And I'm here again to ask for one more prayer! My mentoring teacher's mom has had her Pace Maker fail twice this week. It seems that she is doing better now, but please say a prayer for her if you think about it. It's been a rough week for their family.



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Ya know, I used to look forward to weekends. I used to love it when the week sped along and Friday arrived. But lately, I love the week. I love teaching! It's challenging and frustrating and wonderful. My weekend job is retail, and well... I don't love it. I will not be sad when it's time to say goodbye to selling clothes forever!



The worst part is the pressure they put on us to put pressure on the customers to sign up for a credit card. In this economy, nobody needs to go into credit card debt! And it's so very easy to charge $300 worth of clothes when you know you can't afford it. I just don't feel right asking people to sign up for a card when I know the holidays are coming up and it would be easy for someone to max out their card when they can't afford the things they are buying. Sure, people might choose to do it anyway. But I don't want to be a part of it!



If I thought I could go out and find a new job that would allow me to only work weekends, plus be flexible with me so I can go 3 hours to see my family on holidays, I would. But anyone who is hiring right now is doing so just for the holidays, and I need a job until at least May. I guess I'm just going to have to focus on how great the weeks are, and remember that the weekends often fly by.



Because tomorrow I might have to go and fly awayyyy.

Another baby goes to Jesus.

I just found out that my aunt lost her baby. This is the third one she's lost... first one that has lived long enough to hear a heartbeat. She was about 12 weeks along.

Please pray for her and her husband. She has wanted a baby so badly for so long... I remember being so young that I still needed a babysitter so she was watching my sisters and me, and we were laying on her bed talking about baby names and how she couldn't wait to have a child. That was at least 10 years ago, and she still doesn't have one.

I can't imagine... can't fathom what she's going through. It never makes sense why someone must go through such troubles. I know that God has it all under control... I just wish it was clear why.

Late.

**I forgot that I had saved this when I had to restart my computer, and didn't post it. It's about 3 hours old now, but I'll go ahead and post it anyway.

It isn't even 6 PM and it feels like it's past midnight. I guess that's what happens when you spend the first 6 of your waking hours doing a unit! But the good news is, I'm done! And I don't have to worry about writing another unit until January. Yessss!

I am so thankful for all the people I have stopping by my blog. Seriously, it's awesome! I should have added that to my Ten for Tuesday, but since I didn't, I'm saying it now. You all rock!

I'm thinking of holding some kind of contest. A holiday themed contest. But I'm not entirely sure what it would be, or what the prize would be. Hmmm. I might have to think on that for a bit. Any thoughts? Ideas? Bueller?

And if you haven't bought this girl's CD yet, do it! Unless you have no money, like me. In that case, you're forgiven. Because I can't afford it and haven't gotten it yet, either.

Ten Things Tuesday.

Thanks to XBOX Wife for starting this! Click the picture to go over to her site and add your very own ten things.

Today, I am thankful for:
1. Heating! It is awfully chilly outside.
2. Our veterans.
3. Having the whole day to finish up this unit that I've been struggling with.
4. My computer cooperating with me today!
5. The fact that my cooperating teacher's mom's surgery was successful yesterday.
6. The fact that my students think I'm cool!
7. Being able to sleep in this morning... 10 am! Woot!
8. The togetherness that the holidays tend to bring.
9. My new niece/nephew... stay safe in there until April, little one.
10. My new cousin due in May. My aunt has had trouble conceiving her whole life, and has had several miscarriages. We are praying this beany baby makes it.

What are you thankful for?

Vascular, nonvascular... AH.

I am totally and completely stressed. I thought I had this plant unit all outlined and ready to go, but there is so much information for a 7th grader to retain over a 10 day period. I need more time! I need more activities! The problem is, I can't afford the supplies and I can't go beyond 10 days. Teaching to the test... UGH

End of small teacher rant.

Carry on.

Fearless.

I have been a fan of Taylor Swift before she became a household name. I knew all her songs way before they were ever on the radio.

I went to one of her concerts a couple of years back and got chills. It was the first time music had ever impacted me that way. I have never had a song give me chills before!

What I'm saying is, I'm a fan. A big fan!

Her new CD comes out at midnight tonight. She'll be at a Wal-Mart in Tennessee picking up a copy, and I am so very jealous that I won't be there.

She used to be able to wait after concerts to sign autographs, but now she doesn't do it as often because she has to be on the road right after to head off to her next destination. I really regret not staying to wait for an autograph and to meet her when I had the chance. I guess I just thought I could do it next time. Besides, I had my little sisters with me and another band was performing after her, and I didn't want to keep them out all night.

So if you're a Taylor fan, or just a country music fan at all, check out her new CD! I don't think you'll be disappointed.

And if you're secretly her best friend or grandma or fifth cousin once removed and you want to introduce me to her, that'd be okay, too. (:

Not Me! Monday.

Join in the fun! Go to MckMama's blog and see what all the fuss is about! (:

So, this week...

I did not get really sad that I'm so far down on the Not Me list!

I did not get frustrated during a review game with my students. I know review day is always a little crazy, but they were so loud today!

I certainly did not come home today and get straight into my comfortable pajamas. This cold, dreary weather will not push you to do such a thing!

I did not go to a buffet last night and have a nice sampling of every single thing that looked good. It was not the first time I've eaten out in months!

I did not have a homemade MckMuffin (: for lunch today.

I do not wish that I could have cuddled with little MckMuffin instead!

And I do not forget what else I wanted to put in this post because my brain doesn't like to think back that far!

Have a wonderful week, all! I will not be working on a unit plan all night and probably will not make several more posts before the clock strikes midnight!

Favorite Post Secret

Every Sunday (or perhaps Monday, depending on the day I remember!), I'm going to try and post my favorite Post Secret of the week on here. 

If you've never been to the site, I suggest it! It will move you, upset you, make you laugh, and make you cry. And sometimes all in the same week!

So, here is numero uno!

My favorite secret this week is:

Off to work!

Why won't my Twitter account activate? ): I've sent the code to my phone 3 times, and nothing. I guess my phone knows I'll get addicted and it'll be just another distraction!

I am so mad at my dark jeans. They are my favorite and I bought them less than a month ago. And they are already ratty and have "runs" in them! I'm so mad!! Granted, I only spent $20 on them, but I expected them to last longer than this. After all, I don't make much money. I expect clothes to last when I spend that much on them!

From now on, I'm sticking to Arizona or Levi or... something that is actually going to last!

Untitled.

I am really, really frustrated right now. Like, so frustrated that I don't even think I could put it all into words. I just feel like I'm the only one who cares that Olivia's birthday is coming up. Yes, it is Ben's birthday too. It is a celebration of his life. But shouldn't Olivia be remembered, too? Am I the only one who is willing to put aside how much it hurts to think that she is gone for one day to remind her parents that we love and miss her too? That they are not completely alone in missing her? Is that too much to ask?!

Please, say a prayer for me that I can make sense of this in my head. I just... UGH.

100.

WHOO HOO!

100 views since I put up my new counter earlier this week. How awesome is that?

I love that people are stopping by and seeing what I have to say. If you stop by today, or ever, feel free to leave a comment to let me know you were here. (: I love to see who is reading so that I can go and read their blog, and perhaps make a new friend.

And for the 100 view bonus: Benjamin!

Flip, flop.

I've told myself that I should try and blog everyday, even if I don't have anything very interesting to say. Sometimes, if I happen to be on my computer and something pops into my head, I blog about it. I just think it really helps to write, no matter what you write about. It's a bit cathartic to get your thoughts down on paper... uh, on screen?

I used to have a terrible time sleeping. I mean, I would literally lay in bed for hours, tossing and turning, with thoughts zooming around in my head. I would worry and analyze and over-analyze things that I had no control over in that moment in time while laying in my bed, but I would think about them anyway. When morning came, I couldn't drag myself out of bed on time most days because I was just plain exhausted from all the thinking and tossing and turning. It was not good.

And then I remembered reading somewhere that writing down your thoughts can really help this. So I started to do that... I would record on my Myspace blog, on paper, on a Word document. And ya know what? The tossing and turning stopped. I could sleep again! I could get up in the morning! Before that, I couldn't remember the last time I could just lay down and be out in several minutes. I would envy people who could do that! I had no idea what it was like. And even though I don't necessarily get my thoughts out every night now, it really trained my brain that, when my head hit my pillow, it did not mean it was time to run wild. It was time to pray, Praise God, thank Him for all that he did for me that day- and then it was time to sleep.

And sleep I do! There are times now that I don't even remember dalling asleep because it happened so fast. And I can get up at 6 Am and have the energy to teach 7th graders all day. It is wonderful!

Speaking of my 7th graders, have I mentioned lately how cool they are and how much I adore them? I was blesse with such a great group of kids. They rock!

Earthy.

Did you know that most of the Earth's oxygen does not come from trees and plants, but from phytoplankton living near the surface of the ocean?

If not, you do now!

(:

Christian the Lion.

Are you in need of a good, from-the-heart, never felt so happy cry?

If so, you have to watch this video. I've seen it before, but I tear up just thinking about it. I watched it again today and my eyes still sting from crying! But, my heart feels so full and glad.

So, if you dare, take a look. Don't forget the tissues before you press play- you'll need them!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=adYbFQFXG0U

Ah choo.

Great news! Mark was back in school today and feeling fine. He laughed along with us about the sneeze. That is what I love about 7th graders- they can take a joke and aren't afraid to laugh at themselves.

Oh Friday, I cannot wait until you are here. Don't get me wrong- I love my students. I love teaching. But I need some sleep! I am ridiculously excited to sleep in Saturday morning. I might even take a little nap when I get home tomorrow before working on my Plant unit.

I may even take a small nap now...

Take that.

From class yesterday:

Student A: Are viruses contagious?

Me: Yes, you can catch some viruses pretty easily.

Student A: How do you catch a virus?

Me: Well, there are a lot of ways. Some are air born, some you can catch through contact with other people... lots of ways.  If someone coughs on you and they are carrying a virus, you can catch it.

*Burst of laughter from the back of the room*

Me: What's so funny boys?

Student B: Well, um, ha ha ha. Today at lunch, (stops to breathe through a laugh), I turned my head to sneeze, ha ha, and I didn't cover my mouth with my arm fast enough, ha ha ha, and I sneezed all over Mark's face! It got in his mouth!

Me: Speechless.

When I learned that Mark was out sick from school today, I couldn't help but giggle. Now how is that for authentic learning?

**Disclaimer: I hope Mark is feeling good as new tomorrow!

Good Morning Starshine.

I was greeted by a beautiful sunrise on this warm November morning, and it was lovely. I took a picture with my phone, but cannot seem to get it on here. It may be added later, though!

I am pooped. I mean dragging my feet, collapsing as soon as I walk in the door, drained of all energy, pooped! I knew teaching was going to be hard work, and I am fine with that. But how in the world am I supposed to write a 10 day unit to start teaching on November 19 if I can't even keep my mind focuses on something as simple as the television after 3:30 PM? I'm at the library now, trying to get this stuff typed up, and my mind cannot seem to hold any information.

It definitely didn't help that I couldn't get to bed early last night- I was dying to know who the new president was and would not rest until I knew! Even though I was sure it would be Obama (I've been pretty sure for weeks now and was positive after about the 2nd hour of precinct reporting), I had to know for sure. Just the way I am, I guess! (:

My heart broke for John McCain last night. This was his last shot, and his final speech just got to me. You can really see how much that man loves his country. I know that God has chosen the right person to lead our country, but I just want to give John McCain a giant bear hug and have a cup of coffee with him or something. Such a class act, that man.

I suppose I should flit off and try to get some of this lesson done. Anyone have any awesome ideas on how to teach plants to 7th graders?

May God bless President Obama.

May God bless President Obama. Though he was not my candidate of choice, I am proud to be an American today. Here's to a bright future for all!

One of my best friends

One of my best friends was engaged tonight! Congratulations to Danielle and Matt, who I am so happy for and not the LEAST bit jealous...

8:38 PM

I am still a bill ball of nerves over here! I know I have to get up at the crack of dawn and teach, and that I need to make myself turn the lights out and the computer off by 10 PM, but man, oh, man! This is so scary and exhilirating and just... wow. Crazy that it is actually today!

Just ramblin' to keep my mind focused and my nerves in check. (:

The 4th of November.

We are minutes away from the first poll closings and reports. I am so nervous!

I know that God already knows who will win, but I cannot help but pray that He chooses the right person. Like I should have any doubt!

I guess I've just never been too into politics before, so this is all quite new to me.

God Bless America.

Election Day.

Ya know what I did today?



That's right.



I hope you did, too!

(And sorry for the crappy cell phone pictures! And the bra strap!)

So, I have figured out

So, I have figured out how to mobile blog. Guess this means I will be able to procrastinate on my blog even when I'm away from the computer. :)

Not Me Monday.

This is my first time doing this, so bear (bare? baer? :P) with me! This is all part of MckMama's blog which, if you haven't guessed, I read daily! Check out her site for more NMM entries, including her (much better than mine) entries!

And here... we... go!

Today, I did not hit the snooze button until I had only 45 minutes to get ready and head out the door. I did not freak out a little when I realized it was light outside when I arose, second later realizing that Daylight Savings just ended.

I did not hope that my students would keep asking questions today so that we wouldn't have to review the worksheet that I really wasn't in the mood to go over. I did not smile broadly when, period after period, we ran out of time before we could get to it.

I did not spend almost two hours trying boot up my computer to locate where I could go for Early Voting, only to get sucked into my blog as soon as I got it up and running. I also did not skip E.V. so that I could sit on my butt in front of the computer. Nope, not me! (Disclaimer: I WILL be voting tomorrow!)

I did not cook pasta salad just minutes after finishing my lunch. It is not sitting in the fridge, begging me to come try a bite.

And last but not least, I do not still smile and tear up every time I think about perfect, beautiful, healthy Stellan all snuggled up in his family's arms. I would never do that!

Happy Week everyone! Get out there and vote! (:

Daylight.

I had a student today convinced that Daylight Savings ending meant a longer day at school. Try as we might, we could not get through to her that the hours changing meant that you both "got to school an hour later" and "left an hour later". I guess it can be kind of confusing, but I just couldn't help but giggle. Bless her heart.

I also learned a lot about viruses today when I helped teach the section on it. For example, did you know that there are four shapes of viruses? Crystal, sphere, cylinder, and spacecraft. And yes, the spacecraft virus really does look like a spacecraft! I also learned that all of those Lysol "Kills 99% of viruses" is misleading. Viruses are not alive; therefore, they cannot be killed. You can wipe them up and throw them into the trash, but you aren't killing anything. Interesting, isn't it?

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I have decide that this layout is incredibly dull. I would love a more customized layout, but I simply don't have the money to purchase one. I wonder if I can Google and find a free version? I may have to look into that.

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Please continue to pray for Nick. Also, if you could spare a few more prayers, please pray for my new niece or nephew and my new cousin, due April and May.

I ask so much.

But, once again, I am hear to ask for prayers. BIG prayers.

My friend Katie lost her little girl early this past summer. Baby Angela was born too soon and did not get to stay here on Earth. Instead, her ashes were spread over the ocean, and her memory remains in the heart of her parents, big brother, and those who loved her. I never got to meet Angela, but I love her just the same.

Katie's son, Nick, age 4, was just diagnosed with leukemia this past week.

Please pray, and pray hard, for little Nick.

If you have been following MckMama's blog, then you know the power of prayer. I know the power of prayer. And I know that you will get down on your knees and ask Him to heal this little boy, to give his mama and daddy the strength to make it through this trial, and to ask him to wrap this boy in His love.

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In other news, Stellan was born October 29 and is a perfect, healthy infant. Are you surprised? God had a miracle saved for that little boy, and I am humbled.

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I begin full-time Methods (much like student-teaching) tomorrow. I am done with college classes forever. Crazy! I do not feel old enough for this. I do not feel prepared. I am scared and anxious and excited and about 16 other things.

Until next time.

My littlest angel.

Tomorrow, October 15, which is actually only 10 minutes away, is National Day of Remembrance for Pregnancy and Infant Loss.

Please, think of Olivia tomorrow, and of all of the families who have grieved the loss of a child. If you have lost a child and wish to talk, please leave a comment. Olivia was my niece, not my daughter, but I am still open ears to anyone who might need me, if only for a fleeting moment.

You can also post on Angie's blog at www.audreycaroline.blogspot.com and you will receive hundreds of prayers.

Remembering and missing Olivia, today and always.

Simple Q.

Should I get a Twitter account?

bC.

I am into a very specific brand of boy. Or man, as they would probably like to be called now that they are over the age of 20. But ya know what? I don't really think they're men yet. In fact, I don't think boyhood really ever leaves them. Even my father still has his moments. It's endearing, really.

Back to my point. If I actually have one.

I am attracted to certain qualities. Physical, at least. Taller than me is a given, since I barely reach 2 inches above 5 feet, and that's on a good day. Besides, I think a lot of girls would like their boys taller than them.

I am into gangly. Weird, huh? I like 'em pretty small, and I love seeing that little bone on the back of their necks. A little muscle is okay, and I do mean a LITTLE. Too much is a big turn off.

I like boys who have a bit of a dorky quality to them. Such a turn on.

And of course, intelligence. And no drugs allowed.

I'm not really sure why I'm writing this. I guess it's because, for the first time since Tom and I broke up (over 2 years ago), I think I'm boy-crazy again. Seriously, I feel like a little teenager!

The worst part? I'm not a teenager anymore. No longer are the days of girlfriends and boyfriends changing by the week. No, people my age are engaged, or even married. That brings a whole new level of complication to dating. Guys who are married are a little easier to pick out- just look at the left hand. But engaged or in a very serious relationship? Unless they come out and say it, it's almost impossible to know.

And besides all that, this is my methods semester. I don't have the time to even be on this blog ( I should be reading) let alone to start a relationship. I've just really been craving a relationship right now, I guess.

This sucks.

Notebooks and pens.

Classes start tomorrow and I am so nervous. I don't think I was even this nervous starting college to begin with! I think it's because I'm doing methods this fall, which everyone tells me is the hardest semester of your life. I'll have very little free time, I won't be able to work much (which equals no money), and the teachers are tough. I know I'll make it through alive, but... I'm scared!

And the clincher? In one year from now, I will be a real live, honest to goodness teacher with a classroom. That is CRAZY to me.

If any of you are starting school tomorrow, have a terrific first day! I'll let you know how mine goes.

Box City

So, today at work, I decided to document what I did all day. This is not a typical day, since I'm not normally on stock, but I've done stock plenty of times before. And honestly, it was a nice break from having to measure boobs and clean out dressing rooms. I definitely don't love my job and am only working there at the moment to make some money through college, so I don't feel too bad saying that. Some of my customers are complete sweethearts and keep me from throwing my headset across the floor and marching out, and I thank them for that. Others... well. Others are less friendly.

Anyway! On to my day.

I arrived and was told that there were 71 (!!) cartons in the back that needed to be handled. This means they need to go into their appropriate bin if they're going to be folded, or hung up on racks to wait to be sensored.

So this is what the stack looked like when I arrived:



After one hour:



During this hour I decided to take a bathroom break:



And I also took out the trash that I had accumulated (we are a very wasteful company):








By the way, it's never a good idea to get inside a trash compactor:



Oh, I also like to try on clothes:



Especially clothes of the ugly variety:



And my stack of boxes when it was quittin' time:



Riveting, isn't it? (:

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Melissa talked to me about names today. Right now she is liking Reagan Leigh for a girl. She didn't mention any boy names, but I suggested Nicholas after his favorite aunt's middle name (me, duh!!!) and she said she liked it.

Feel free to suggest any names and I'll pass them on to her. Her children are Benjamin Michael and Olivia Grace.

As always, thanks for reading. Leave a comment if you want!

Ah, Lemon Pledge

I have almost reached 100 views! I just added that ticker early/mid August (this month), so it's awesome that people are actually stopping by!

**If you do stop in for a minute today, or any day that you see this post, say something. (: Just hello, or how your day is going, or if you want me to come over and check out your blog. I would be happy to return the favor.**

Nothing big or exciting has happened so far today. I slept in until noon (which I really need to stop doing as classes start in three days) and just poked around on the internet. I'm on-call at work, and if I don't have to go in, I'm cleaning my apartment like a mad woman! I want it to be completely clean before classes start... kind of like a spring cleaning but in the fall. Fall cleaning!

Do any of you do spring (or fall) cleaning? I love doing it. There's something to be said about getting everything out of the closets, drawers, under the bed, etc. and just getting rid of the things you don't need. And don't just throw that stuff away! Join your local Freecycle and give it away to someone who might actually be able to use it. Let's keep as much out of the landfills as we can!

Update: Of COURSE I have to work tonight. Looks like spring, I mean FALL, cleaning will have to wait. I work the rest of the weekend, but hopefully I can find some time to do it after work tomorrow.

Right now I'm solo.

Having no money really complicates life. Sure, it was my decision to live alone and pay more than double what I was paying last year, but doesn't my emotional well-being count for something? I don't think I would have survived living with a roommate for another year, and I almost mean that literally.

Don't get me wrong. I love having my own place. I love how everything in it is mine, chosen by me. I love how, when I get home from work, everything is exactly where I left it. I love that I can move from one room to another and do whatever I want, whenever I want. I can watch my shows, sit online for hours, take a long shower, and it doesn't matter because I only have to answer to myself.

Does it get lonely every once in awhile? Sure. But my two best friends live in this very building, just a 20 second walk away. And with those two, you can really never get too lonely.

But the money thing is the real downfall. I have methods starting in four (!!!) days, and I don't have the wardrobe for it. I have $25 in the bank right now. I have rent due again in 25 days. It's never-ending. But this is what I chose. This is the life I decided to lead. And you know what, I think it's a pretty good one.

It sparkles.

Update from 8/17: After getting conflicting information both online and from the man who answered the phone at Meijer and telling me that alcohol was not sold on Sundays, it turns out it actually is.

I never watched the Olympics until this year, as I've never had a real interest in sports unless I am watching the Bengals or UC Basketball when Meeker was part of the team. But I got sucked in by friends this year, and man oh man was I happy seeing little Shawn Johnson winning a gold metal last night. If I wasn't all bundled up in my jacket, I would have gotten chills.

Speaking of which, this story just pulls at my heartstrings. It's really good to see that there are gentleman left in Hollywood (and good lookin' ones, at that!).

___________

Continued prayers for Stellan and my new niece or nephew are always appreciated.

And hey, if you feel so inclined, feel free to comment me. (:

Blessed Day

Bill and Melissa are expecting another baby!

My heart is so full of joy for them. I feel like I'm dreaming... I'm going to be an aunt again. It feels so good, and I feel guilty for feeling so good. But I know that this is God's plan, that they are meant to have another child now. This baby will never replace Olivia. No one could ever do that. I know this. It just seems so unfair that she isn't here to be a big sister to her little brother or sister. I know that she'll be there in some sense, she always is. But her little sibling is missing out on knowing her.

Please, please pray for a healthy pregnancy that will end with a healthy baby. Please also pray for peace for the parents throughout the next 8 or so months, and beyond. I cannot imagine the variety of emotions they have to be feeling right now.

I can't wait to meet you, little Max or Brooklyn!
(Names definitely pending!)

My dearest Olivia, I wish you were here. I love you.

Summer Days

I have had an excellent couple of days. Summer is drawing to a close, but for once, it seems like good change is coming along with the Fall.

I have been off of my birth control for two weeks now, because I didn't spend a week off of it last month like I should, and want to get back on track. But I've been doing so good off of it. My hormones aren't driving me crazy, I feel more friendly, and just generally happier. I'm thinking about staying off of it. Might not be the smartest choice, but I think my emotional well-being is fairly important.

I've really been able to reconnect with people that I lost touch with in the past months. Physically, they have always been here, but for some reason the relationships weren't quite what they used to be. These past days have proved that wrong! I have my best friends back.

Uh, Ohio is stupid for not selling alcohol on Sundays. Really, are we in the 1800s?

Continue to pray for Stellan. He has been doing beautifully these past couple of days/weeks. Keep up those prayers!

I had more to say, but I've lost the will to write it all out.

Have a wonderful night, all.

Lighten the mood

I got this off of another blog.
The things that I have done are in bold. I hope to expand this list!

Bought everyone in the bar a drink
Swam with wild dolphin
Taken a Ferrari for a test drive
Been inside the Great Pyramid
Held a tarantula
Taken a candle lit bath
Said I love you and meant it
Hugged a Tree
Bungee jumped
Visited Paris
Watched a lightening storm at sea
Stayed up all night long and saw the sun rise
Seen the Northern Lights
Gone to a huge sports game
Walked the stairs to the top of the Leaning Tower of Pisa
Grown and eaten your own vegetables
Touched an iceberg
Slept under the stars
Changed a baby’s diaper
Taken a trip in a hot air balloon
Watched a meteor shower
Gotten drunk on champagne
Given more than you can afford to charity
Looked up at the night sky through a telescope
Had an uncontrollable giggling fit at the worst possible moment
Had a food fight
Bet on a winning horse
Asked out a stranger
Had a snowball fight
Screamed as loudly as you possibly can
Held a lamb
Seen a total eclipse
Ridden a roller coaster
Hit a home run
Danced like a fool, not caring who watched
Adopted an accent for an entire day
Actually felt happy about your life, even for a moment
Had two hard drives for your computer
Visited all 50 states
Taken care of someone who was too drunk
Had amazing Friends
Danced with a Stranger in a foreign country
Watched wild whales
Stolen a sign
Hitchhiked in Europe
Taken a road-trip
Gone rock climbing
Midnight walk on the beach
Gone sky diving
Visited Ireland
Been heartbroken longer than you were in love
In a restaurant sat at a stranger’s table and ate with them
Visited Japan
Milked a cow
Alphabetized your CDs
Pretended to be a superhero
Sung karaoke
Lounged around in bed all day
Posed nude in front of strangers- just kidding
Gone scuba diving
Kissed in the rain
Played in the mud
Played in the rain
Gone to a drive-in theater
Visited the Great Wall of China
Started a business
Fallen in love and not had your heart broken
Toured ancient sites
Taken a martial arts class
Played a computer game for more than 6 hours straight (back when Sims first came out! Haha)
Gotten married
Been in a movie
Crashed a party
Gotten divorced
Gone without food for 5 days
Made cookies from scratch
Won first prize in a costume contest
Ridden a gondola in Venice
Gotten a tattoo
Rafted the Snake River
Been on television news program as an “expert”
Got flowers for no reason
Performed on a stage
Been to Las Vegas
Recorded Music
Eaten shark
Had a one-night stand
Gone to Thailand
Bought a house
Been in a combat zone
Buried one/both of your parents
Been on a cruise ship
Spoken more than one language fluently
Performed in Rocky Horror
Raised Children
Followed your favorite band/singer on tour
Taken an exotic bicycle tour in a foreign country
Picked up and moved to another city
Walked on the Golden Gate Bridge
Sang loudly in the car and didn’t stop when you knew someone was looking
Had plastic surgery
Survived an accident that you shouldn’t have
Wrote articles for a large publication
Lost over 100 lbs
Held someone while they were having a flashback
Piloted an airplane
Petted a stingray
Broken someone’s heart
Helped an animal give birth
Won money on a TV game show
Broken a bone
Gone on an African safari
Had a body part below the neck pierced
Fired a rifle, shotgun or pistol
Eaten mushrooms gathered in the wild
Ridden a horse
Had major surgery
Had a snake as a pet
Hiked to the bottom of the Grand Canyon
Slept for more than 30 hours over 48 consecutive hours
Visited more foreign countries than US States
Visited all 7 continents
Taken a canoe trip that lasted more than 2 days
Eaten Kangaroo meat
Eaten sushi
Had your picture in the paper
Changed someone’s mind about something you care deeply about
Gone back to school
Parasailed
Petted a cockroach
Eaten fried green tomatoes
Read the Illiad
Selected one important author who you missed school to read
Killed and prepared an animal for eating
Skipped all of your school reunions
Communicated with someone without sharing a common language
Been elected to public office
Written your own computer language
Thought to yourself that you’re living your dream
Had to put someone you love in hospice care
Build your own PC from parts
Sold your own artwork to someone that didn’t know it was yours
Had a booth in a street fair
Dyed your hair
Been a DJ
Shaved your head
Caused a car accident
Saved someone’s life

Any questions?
What have you done?

A thousand years ago

I texted my mother last night. The mother who gave birth to me, that is. The mother I grew up with and who I speak to everyday is my step-mother in a technical sense, but she is the one who raised me. They are both my mothers, but in very different senses of the word.

I don't talk to her often. I haven't seen her since I was 14 and my brother and sister were taken away from her, and in turn, taken away from me. My only brother, gone from my life, along with my youngest sister. They were only 3 and 1. I barely knew them, and at the same time I knew them inside and out. They were a part of me.

Sometimes I wonder when it is I'll stop carrying all this guilt around. I could have made the choice to go to their grandparents (who they live with) and ask to be a part of their lives. It wouldn't have been the same, but it would have been something. I was young and scared and I still believe my mom was always right. I decided it was the grandparents' fault, and I hated them. Now I thank God that my siblings are in a stable home, though I wish it could have been different. I wish my mother would have been able to step up and work through her problems, and be a parent.

I love my mom. I always have, even throughout my teen years when I thought she had abandoned me and ruined my life. My dad is my hero. I would be a completely different person without him. I would probably have kids on my own, a high-school dropout, and alcoholic... who knows. My mother is not a bad person, but she wasn't prepared to be a mom at the age of 19 when she got pregnant with me. I am so very thankful that she chose to give me life, and I will always, always love her for that.

I've spent years trying to work through my feelings with all of this. I don't think I'll ever really be okay with how it all turned out.

I just worry a lot. About my mom, mostly. I know my brother and sister are cared for, but I wonder... do they remember me? Do they know I exist? In ten years, will I get the chance to get to know them again? Or are they gone from me forever? These thoughts tear me shreds. They hurt so deep within me that it's hard to even breathe. They come at night, strong and overpowering, and don't leave until I'm asleep.

I worry about my mom too. I wonder if she's taking care of herself, if she realizes that she is worth more than she gives herself credit for. I wonder if she knows she has a family that loves her, and wants her to get better. I hope and pray that her boyfriend makes her feels special. I wonder if she thinks about me every night like I think about her.

Our relationship will never be the same. Maybe someday it'll be better than it was when I was a kid, because I understand now why I only saw her once a week, and why she was always tired and stressed. But right now, it's limited to a text message every now and again. We tried to make it more than that, but it was too fast and I'm just not ready. I have to deal with my own issues first, because I'm afraid I'll end up blaming her if I don't.

I pray, pray, pray that I will come out of this strong enough to build a relationship with her once again, and to be a good daughter. Her demons are not her fault, and she deserves to know that. I hope someday I can be the one to tell her.

I come to you with a request for prayers today. I have been reading the blog of a wonderful woman, 25 weeks pregnant with a little boy. Her blog is here, and I encourage you to go to it and learn about little Stellan. There is a chance that he will not make it to birth, and if he does, he will require heart surgery.

This family needs your prayers. This little boy needs you to stand up for him, and to pray for his safe arrival so that he may live to know his wonderful, caring family. Please pray for him.

Sharing

I just wanted to share my family with you for a moment. I think it's important that I recognize those who have made me the person I am today, and I am forever grateful for being given such wonderful people in my life.

My family and I took a vacation last month, and these pictures are from a cruise we took. The first two are my parents, the next two are my sisters.

I don't know why, but I just felt compelled to share them. Thank you for looking.

Long Time Coming

I think it's time for me to return to this blog.

I don't know why I was gone so long. My computer broke in March, but I've had it back since June. I can't use that as an excuse because, every time I press my favorites button, I see the link to this blog... but I pretend I don't.

I guess I wasn't ready to come back.

Now I am.

I had a hard night last night, a night blurred with tears that flowed from a place deep down inside of me that I had forgotten about. It was painful and tiring, bringing up things that I don't ever want to think about because I hate feeling sorry for myself. I have been blessed with so much in my life, and there is no reason for me to be so sad.

Except, there are.

These are details that I'm not ready to share. Many of you know about my niece, and some of you do not. Few of you know about my childhood, but most do not.

I'm not ready to share any of this today.

I just need to bring myself back into the habit of writing in this space. Someday I will be ready to share, and to cry as I type, and to just open myself up to complete and total strangers.

But today is not that day.

I thank all of you who just took the time to read this, even though it's probably confusing and empty to you right now. I promise, someday you will know.

Lasagna and Garlic Bread.

I don't have much to say today. It's Valentine's Day, so I guess well wishes are in order.

I'm spending the day alone, because God knows if I don't get my alone time then I go nuts. And I've been around people constantly for the past week or so, and today is the first day my roommate is out of the house and I don't have school or work. So, I'm going to cuddle up with my blanket and some movies and just enjoy some me time. I'm ridiculously excited about it.

I felt myself getting sick yesterday, but I feel better today. I prayyyy that I don't catch anything, because I'll be heartbroken if I don't get to go home and spend the weekend with Ben next weekend.

Laundry is about ready, so I'm off. Expect my supernatural story later day (I hope!)

Benjamin Countdown.
8 Days.

Springtime is coming.

The snow is awful! This picture sucks because I didn't feel like charging my actual camera and my phone is horrible at taking pictures in the dark. But driving home from work today, I saw a semi wrapped up like a snake. It was so scary, and my car fishtailed when I barely tapped on the breaks. I was supposed to go to a school board meeting tonight for a class, but I like life and don't want to lose it to some crazy, snowy roads. Anyway, for your viewing pleasure:

I made a video for Benjamin. It's the second video I have ever made, so it's not great, but I like it. The program I was using SUCKED at fading into new songs, so that part is certainly not perfect. It can be found here.


I hate Amy Winehouse, and I hate that she won five Grammy's. Taylor should have won! She looked lovely, by the way. I can't wait to see her in concert again. Her Myspace makes her seem so real, and I think that's why I like her so much. She's so down to earth about her success. And she actually acts like a real person. A picture of her at the Grammy's:

Also, her newest video can be found here.

I'm excited about Big Brother starting tonight. But, it's not going to be the same without Eric and Jessica. They were my favorite couple ever, in the whole wide world. In fact, I wonder what they're up to. I might have to do some searching and figure it out. I'll let you know what I find.

Oh.
Wanna see what I do at work all day?

I happen to be very productive.

Benjamin Countdown.
10 days.

I'm the King of Rock and Roll.

This was my weekend:

UPDATE.

I know longer get Benny for Friday, February 22. Instead, I get him all to myself ALL WEEKEND LONG. I am beyond excited about this. I can't wait to spend 72 hours with the cutest damn baby boy ever. I am just praying that this actually happens, because my plans tend to fall through a lot. I will be heartbroken if it doesn't work out.

Newest picture: Benjamin and my Daddy

---------------------------------------------

I have seen every episode of Viva La Bam in the past four days. Bam is sexy. And so is Dunn.

Word on the street is that the Writer's Strike is almost over. I hope so. I've GOT to stop watching every DVD I own over and over again.

Benjamin Countdown
17 days.

I lugged around four 80-lb mannequins at work today. And I am SORE. Seriously, I'm out of shape. I have every intention of hitting the gym, but it's always tomorrow. I'm tired today, I have to work, I have classes... always an excuse to go tomorrow. I need motivation!

In other, more exciting news, I have Benjamin time scheduled! Seriously, who wouldn't be super excited to hang out with this!?



He is the light of my life, and he's not even mine. I could not love that kid more. Melissa and Bill are going to go out for the night and I'm going home just to babysit him! Too bad it's not until February 22. Sadface. But it's for a good cause, because Melissa and Benny are heading to Virginia to spend time with her family. She really needs a break to spend time with the people she loves, and to wrap her head around losing Olivia. She told me that she's suddenly overwhelmed with it all, which makes sense. With the holiday parties and people around all the time, I can see how you can be forced to push it in the back of your mind. We all need to make peace with it, and she hasn't been given the opportunity to yet. I think it'll be good for all three of them.

All for now.

Benjamin Countdown
26 days